Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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