Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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