and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
