We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
