Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
