You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
