he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
