you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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