it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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