my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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