You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
