mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
