Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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