he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
