You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
