I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
