i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i love accidental penises.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He shit in the fireplace
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
