you would pick up someone in the library
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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