Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
