I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
