Can i not drive my cunt home
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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