i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
