My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
