I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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