4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
