at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
