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Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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