He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize