Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
