its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
