Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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