I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
