So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
