What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
