How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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