Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
