Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
