How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
