Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
