My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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