Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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