I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
