Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
