Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't deserve a penis
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
