Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
