I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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