absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
