There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
