i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
