My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
