Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
