Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
