So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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