I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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