Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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